12.
“I had a horrible, verbally abusive first marriage. I had a horrible, verbally abusive rebound second marriage. After the second divorce, I realized it’s not what you want in a partner; it’s what you are not willing to tolerate, and that’s the most important. I created a list of 5 ‘must never,’ and anyone I even casually dated had to meet those:”
1. He could not have been in the military. No offense to veterans — it was just that I had personal, awful experiences because of PTSD in a partner.
2. He could not have a temper. I didn’t mean he could have emotions, but he couldn’t have the yelling, cursing, punching type of temper — not ever, not over big things or small things.
3. He could not have or want children. I was absolutely child-free by choice. I tried being a stepmother, and that was a failure.
4. He could not drink. Both of my exes were alcoholics who looked at first like ‘casual drinkers,’ but after marriage, they got much, much worse. I was absolutely gunshy of even casual drinkers.
5. He could not be religious. I was an atheist and had no interest at all in a partner who was religious and might try to convert me.
I found that my list of ‘nevers’ was much more important in finding the right partner. We’ve been together 35 years, so I was right.”